Fall of the United Kingdom
The Fall of the United Kingdom The Fall of the United Kingdom is the name commonly used to refer to the Japanese invasion of the UK in 2010 following the election of David Cameron King of Tories. The war unfolded over a year, ending May 25th 2011. The war was caused by racist comments made by David Cameron and the defection of the Cripple Corporation from the UK to Japan. Causes of the War The war started as the result of massive tension between the two nations. There were two main sources for the tension that sparked war. Racist Comments David Cameron's election speech featured several comments that were extremely offensive to the Japanese. Notable comments follow. "America bombed Japan back to traditional values in the Second World War. That's why feminism doesn't exist in Japan!" "Did you guys ever watch Evangelion? Don't know what those fucking chinks were thinking, that shit made no sense and Shinji was such a little bitch." "Is there even a difference between Japanese and Chinese? It sounds like the same shit to me." These comments were received poorly by Japanese Prime Minister, Shinichirō Watanabe, who sent a diplomat to the United Kingdom to open discussions between the two nations. Watanane planned to educate Cameron and explain why his comments were seen as so offensive. David Cameron refused to meet Watanabe saying: "It was just a bit of banter m8." Cripple Corporation Defection After Cameron's comments damaged relations between the two nations Danny Layton, CEO of Cripple Corporation, spoke out against Cameron in an official public statement. Who the fuck is Cameron anyway? I never liked the Tories, but this guy went too far. Has he even seen Cowboy Bebop? Shinichirō Watanabe is a genius and this slight against him is disgusting. I am taking this opportunity to pull my company and all Cripple Corporation property out of the UK. The Cripple Corporation defecting cost the UK government almost half their tax revenue and caused open rioting in the streets of London, Bradford and Birmingham. Cameron wasn't concerned with the loss until he was informed that he could no longer afford to fund another tube line in London. When Cameron's ability to throw money at London was lost the Prime Minister lashed out with a public statement that condemned the actions of the Cripple Corporation and demanded their return to the UK else the United Kingdom would make a formal declaration of war. The June 1st Attack After Cameron's statement and threats of war, Danny Layton replied with a short handwritten letter that simply said: "One step ahead of you m8." The day the letter was received, over 36 Japanese Zeros flew themselves into key structures in London, destroying the Houses of Parliament, Big Ben and Buckingham Palace along with many other important landmarks. Four hours after the attacks, as emergency services were still cleaning up the city and searching the wreckage, Japan made a formal declaration of war on the United Kingdom. Prime Minister Shinichirō Watanabe delivered his famous "Once a Tory, always a Tory." speech that later inspired Danny Layton's own "Once a faggot, always a faggot." speech. June 1st was the first official day of the war and the United Kingdom was already at a major disadvantage. The Queen is Pronounced Dead On June 5th a team of volunteers who were helping dig through the rubble at Buckingham Palace reported a body they had found to the emergency services. The ambulance crew that arrived to tend to the body identified it as Queen Elizabeth II and pronounced her dead on arrival. The morale that had been built by Cameron's passion was dashed when the British people heard of the loss of their Queen, who had served as a valuable figure head for Britain as well as one of Britain's best cab drivers. David Cameron made the following public statement. "Her banter was on another level. I still remember the day she drove me home after the election, it was a proper laugh. Rest in peace m8." '' A successor to Queen Elizabeth II was never chosen on account of several missing royals and the unrelenting attacks of the Japanese forces. June 12th The First Day of the Invasion At 2:34 on June 12th Fat Callum, a guard at the Dover Euro Tunnel Checkpoint, made a distress call that signalled the start of the invasion. The audio was transcribed as well as possible by Audacity Expert Alexander years after the war had ended. 'Callum': There's thousands of them charging down the Euro Tunnel! They've got fucking ISIS with them.'' ''Operator: How many of them are there sir?'' ''Callum: I don't fucking know do I mate!'' ''Background Voice: Callum... Your dick's out.'' Roughly twelve seconds of radio silence. ''Callum: Oh'' ''Callum: How many men can we get down here then?'' ''Operator: There's only a hundred men in Dover and they're all reserves we'll do what we ca-'' ''Background Muslim: ALLAHU AKBAR! '' Call cuts off. Dover Falls With barely anyone to defend the Dover Checkpoint the Japanese Forces, aided by ISIS and the French Government were able to storm into Kent with ease. Dover was quickly overrun by Japanese forces and by 9:20 the entire city was under Japanese control. Key locations that were now controlled by Japan included, Dover Priory railway station and Bucklands hospital. The station provided access to the railway which would allow fast movement of troops to their next target. By 14:00 roughly two thousand Japanese soldiers had made their way through the Euro Tunnel with many more scheduled to arrive. The Japanese standing military at the beginning of the war was around 350,000 men not including Cripple Corporation or ISIS troops. British Reaction The British military and government had no notion of the French assisting the Japanese and therefore had little means of defending Dover. The British military advisor, Fred from ITV Weather, knew it was foolish to attempt to assault the Japanese on their new territory and so deployed troops to key locations that the Japanese would likely target. The British standing military at the beginning of the war was around 320,000 men. The rough deployments were: 6000 troops to Cantebury, 9000 troops to Ashford urgently, 2000 troops to Hastings and 1000 troops to Tonbridge. (These are rough figures as all reliable sources for figures are lost.) The War Rages Over 8 months the Japanese, using the Calais tunnel to move troops into the country, swept over the South of England, capturing Canterbury, Ashford and countless other cities. The invasion of London began slowly, the Japanese found the narrow streets and grid systems were difficult to move an army through. By February 12th of 2011 the entire South of England had fallen to the Japanese with just a few districts in London left to secure before moving North. Cripple Corporation had become heavily involved in the war, even deploying it's own military to assist. CEO Danny Layton, being as powerful as he was, insisted on fighting on the front lines. The North Succeeds to Japan As the final push for control of the South began, a council of Northern Mayors and MPs gathered with Prime Minister Watanabe to succeed the North of England to Japan's rule. The negotiations were simple, as the North simply wished to surrender and live in peace, not at the whim of the Tories. A treaty was signed and the North of England succeeded to Japan. This left the centre of London as the last section of British territory in the world. Nick Clegg's Last Stand On March 15th Danny Layton met Nick Clegg in the Buckingham Palace Courtyard. The British had been crushed and the war was all but over. Danny Layton had been asked by Watanabe to defeat the powerful Shinobi Nick Clegg and the infamous David Cameron King of Tories. Nick Clegg apologised profusely and begged Danny for forgiveness, but Danny felt no compassion for the man. The two clashed violently in the courtyard. Danny Layton recalls the battle and his first encounter with Liberal Justu in an excerpt from his journal shown below. When our fists clashed in the air I felt the power of a Liberal Jutsu for the first time. Clegg's power was far too low to hope to defeat me, but the Liberal Jutsu broke the very logic of Chakra, it was overwhelming. I was the first to fly back into the ground. The logical leaps that Clegg could perform with his Liberal Jutsu were beyond my comprehension at the time. He could have killed me right there, but he made one mistake. He tried to finish me off non-lethally with his Apology Jutsu, but on account of the Cripple Curse his plea for forgiveness only served to grant me more power. I was able to unleash my Diddle Jutsu in it's ultimate form. His psyche collapsed and he was violated. He started screaming, "Not Nick! Reek!" He's my office pet now, poor Reek. The King of the Tories After Nick Clegg was subdued Danny Layton moved to the throne room to face off against his ultimate opponent, David Cameron. Once again the battle was recorded in an excerpt from Danny's Journal below. I'd never fought a Tory before Cameron and he was the King. I didn't know what I was walking into. When I charged at the man he made no motion to move, then from nothing yet another new London tube line opened in the throne room. I saw the train coming, but I couldn't move in time. As the train approached me time slowed down and I was ready to die, but I heard a voice. It was Big Man Tyrone and he told me, "Don't give up Mr.Diddler! You can do it, just believe in Allah! Ah ha ha ha ha!" Once Big Man Tyrone had motivated me I knew just what to do. This London Tube Jutsu had a weakness. I took a deep breath in and shouted at the top of my voice. "ALLAHU AKBAR!" The train exploded and a chorus of ISIS angels joined me in my chant. When the smoke had cleared I saw Cameron crushed under a train car, begging for help. I went to finish him off myself, but as I approached I saw a man standing over him, 6ft tall and black as night, I asked him what he was doing and he told me, "I'm gonna give his meat a good rub." Then he disappeared, and it seems he took Cameron with him. Official End of the War The war was declared officially over on May 25th. The Second Rise of Japan followed. = Category:Lore